Swan (![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small} queenostara) wrote,@ 2009-03-30 12:48:00 |
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GAHHHHHHHH!
Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. So I really wanted to send an e-mail response to this http://www.chicagotribune.com/featu
Dear Amy, I'm sending this to you as a response to some advice you gave last week. The advice you gave is as follows:
"You do need to lose weight. But losing weight for someone else is a terrible idea, and losing weight for someone else simply doesn't work. People who are addicted to food and eating face a lifelong struggle, and the motivation has to come from within. You have to do it for yourself––for your own health and well-being.
Your boyfriend is dangling a deal that you should not take. True partners commit to loving the whole person. They encourage rather than demand.
Perhaps this is your boyfriend's way of trying to encourage you to do something you should already be committed to doing, but he has chosen a hurtful way to express this.
You two need to talk more about your weight. Get specific. Ask him the exact circumference of the hoop you must climb through to be with him. And then know that even if you are able to meet his conditions, at the end of the day you will be with someone who might always find another bridge for you to cross."
So, Dear Amy, I'm curious, when did you have time to go to medical school, demonstrate an exhaustive review of the available literature, and give "Just Fluffy" a physical examination in order to correctly determine that she "needs" to lose weight? And also, when did you have the time after all that to stalk Fluffy for over a month or so to be able to correctly determine that her weight is rightly attributable to her "addiction to eating" or her tendency to be an "emotional eater"? You're right that she should not lose weight for him and that he has been hurtful in his mandate, but your assumptions that she is unhealthy do not help her in this situation, and asking him just how much she needs to lose in order to commit, aside from being a completely humiliating act, sounds to me like a recipe for an even more nonfunctional relationship. There should be no price one must pay for commitment.
The fact that he said "we'll cross that bridge when we get to it" when she mentioned the unavoidable weight gain due to a possible future pregnancy is very telling. It sounds like a fairly accurate translation of that statement might be "And I reserve the right to bully you about your weight and body any time in the future". It sounds like this man has other issues that HE'S not willing to work on and rather than work on them is putting everything on the woman. But good job further propagating the idea that relationships are all "womens work".
Signed, Rightly Pissed off in Pennsylvania
Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. So I really wanted to send an e-mail response to this http://www.chicagotribune.com/featu
Dear Amy, I'm sending this to you as a response to some advice you gave last week. The advice you gave is as follows:
"You do need to lose weight. But losing weight for someone else is a terrible idea, and losing weight for someone else simply doesn't work. People who are addicted to food and eating face a lifelong struggle, and the motivation has to come from within. You have to do it for yourself––for your own health and well-being.
Your boyfriend is dangling a deal that you should not take. True partners commit to loving the whole person. They encourage rather than demand.
Perhaps this is your boyfriend's way of trying to encourage you to do something you should already be committed to doing, but he has chosen a hurtful way to express this.
You two need to talk more about your weight. Get specific. Ask him the exact circumference of the hoop you must climb through to be with him. And then know that even if you are able to meet his conditions, at the end of the day you will be with someone who might always find another bridge for you to cross."
So, Dear Amy, I'm curious, when did you have time to go to medical school, demonstrate an exhaustive review of the available literature, and give "Just Fluffy" a physical examination in order to correctly determine that she "needs" to lose weight? And also, when did you have the time after all that to stalk Fluffy for over a month or so to be able to correctly determine that her weight is rightly attributable to her "addiction to eating" or her tendency to be an "emotional eater"? You're right that she should not lose weight for him and that he has been hurtful in his mandate, but your assumptions that she is unhealthy do not help her in this situation, and asking him just how much she needs to lose in order to commit, aside from being a completely humiliating act, sounds to me like a recipe for an even more nonfunctional relationship. There should be no price one must pay for commitment.
The fact that he said "we'll cross that bridge when we get to it" when she mentioned the unavoidable weight gain due to a possible future pregnancy is very telling. It sounds like a fairly accurate translation of that statement might be "And I reserve the right to bully you about your weight and body any time in the future". It sounds like this man has other issues that HE'S not willing to work on and rather than work on them is putting everything on the woman. But good job further propagating the idea that relationships are all "womens work".
Signed, Rightly Pissed off in Pennsylvania
