"What would you know about rape? You're a rape victim!" or "The dick as the social gallows"
So my recent delves into feminism, fat acceptance (yes, you read that right, those two words CAN exist next to each other in the same sentence quite peacefully without the world exploding) has lead me to this http://kateharding.net/2007/05/16/let-me-save-you-the-trouble-i-know-im-a-fat-cunt-and-ive-already-been-raped/ link which is somewhat old, but still pretty relevant in the fact that a) the douchehounds Opie and Anthony still have a pretty ridiculous following of blatant assholes b) their Cleveland wannabe, Rover, from Rover's Morning Glory is often quite similar to their style of asshole-ery (and in my opinion, often worse) and c) I see no proof that this sort of idiotic ideology has been sated as so many "what use is there for feminist anymore?!" morons claim there is. There's often this "what are you bitching about, you got your rights in the 70's?" reaction to feminism. Aside from the fact that it's really goddamn fucking annoying to be told your ideas are just "stupid" (regardless of whether or not they really are) because they are ideals other people don't agree with (or ideals others just don't even give a chance because they assume it's an ideal they won't agree with), that kind of statement just proves how many people are still ignorant of just how patriarchal our society still is. It's the kind of statement you often get from a spoiled white male who has never had to worry about often getting paid less for doing the same job as someone else, who has never had to worry about the double edged sword sex (the slut/prude double edge) presents, who has in fact, never had to worry about being the object of a viscous rape "joke".

Which brings us back to the link I linked. The woman who all the terrible quotes were directed at merely spoke up. That's what warranted all those cruel, viscous, and violent comments. Now quite frankly, I feel I need to put a few disclaimer's here. First, I'm not saying that there aren't women who lie about being raped. People lie about a myriad of different things for a myriad of different reasons, and yes some of those things lied about could quite possibly be rape and yes, sometimes the reason could quite possibly be for attention. However, I think people need to look at the facts out there and think carefully about them before just slapping the label of "LIAR!" on every woman who says "hey, guess what asshole? I WAS raped and I can tell you, it's NOT funny".

So the facts from this somewhat old but no less valid article http://www.womanabuseprevention.com/html/sexual_assault.html where it notes that one in four women will be sexually assaulted in their lifetime. So that's a pretty high number if you ask me, especially if you consider the fact that often rapes aren't reported and that assaults that take place in relationships often aren't even thought of as rapes/assaults sometimes not even by the victims. So really, I think it's a safe bet to assume that when a woman tells you she's been raped, she probably isn't lying. Telling her she is, not only refuses to help her, it also further hurts someone who has already been hurt. It silences someone, because if no one's going to listen, often going the trouble of trying to just GET someone to goddamn listen is painful enough, it's no fucking wonder so many rapes don't get reported. Not to mention silencing the victim via not listening was the rapists intent to begin with since rape is about power, not about sex. I think it's pretty obvious that it's about power when people say things like "I don't want to rape her, I just want to fuck her until she can't do anything else" why? Because making sure she can't do anything else would 'put her in her place' so to speak?

Then you get comments like this if the woman is fat: "Your experience of being raped is absolutely not relevant. Think of the ramifacations of your actions before you make such an emotional based argument." Does that sound to anyone else like "What would you know about rape? You're a rape victim!"? To that I say, "Uhmmmm... WHAT?" Why is her experience not relevant? Is it because she's fat and therefore "lucky" to even be "rape-able"? Is it because she's "lying" as so many other commenters have cruelly suggested? Or is it because as another commenter so eloquently put it, that having sex is "your one and only purpose in this world" and that if you aren't smart enough to know your purpose (or substitute place) and do your womanly duty of pleasing men in the world then "You should consider yourself lucky that some man finds a hideous troll like yourself rape-able." Actual quotes kids. The thread where these quotes came from has since been closed and/or deleted (I'm not surprised) but these are actual quotes from actual people. These are actual thoughts people have. And seeing as Kate Harding only gave the cliff's notes on her blog, I think it's safe to say there are whole whopping bucketload of men who think this way.

Hell, there are even some women who still kind of think this way. I've heard first hand women say things like, "She's totally lying about being raped to cover for being a slut" and "she was totally asking for it for dressing the way she did" and "well, she was causing problems [translation: speaking up]". I myself was once in the camp of "well she might be lying, she is a bit of a drama queen" and I'm ashamed to admit thinking I'd be perfectly safe from rape because I a) was chubby and b) dressed pretty moderately most of the time and c) was "smart" and never went out on my own. Then I had two "close calls". The first confused me on end for a few years. I'll never KNOW what the first's intentions were since I said a few things that rather sobered the both of us, but considering the way he acted towards me afterward, I can't help but feel had it not been for my big mouth, there could have been something even more confusing and much more damaging. The second was a more blatant attempt. Well more blatant in the fact that it was pretty obvious I'd been drugged. Neither times was I wearing anything suggestive. Neither times was I being "stupid" and putting myself in an "obviously dangerous" situation. Neither times was I the traditional version of "hawt" and "fuck-able". I was just a twenty-some year old 5'9 175-180 lb woman in jeans and a long sleeved shirt looking to have a few drinks and a good time.

Scary and confusing as both those situations were I'm thankful for two things about them, that one, neither one of them went any further, and that two, they taught me that rape can happen to anyone. Repeat that last line for me if you have a difficult grasp on that concept. Rape CAN happen to ANYONE. And it DOES happen to people from a variety of different backgrounds, people with different looks and people of different genders. And it is NEVER something that is "okay" or "understandable". It is never "asked for" or "unavoidable" and it certainly shouldn't be doled out as punishment as one male commenter suggested in reaction to the idiocy that went on. He said, "As a man, a real man I might add, I am horrified by Antony and Fuckwad’s “jokes” on this show. Anybody daring to make such harsh and hurtful comments, especially in public deserves to a. lose their job, b, be put in jail and c, get acquainted with the biggest fag in the jail. And fucked. To death. These people are sick and I fully intend on telling them so." Does reading that make you want to facepalm? If it doesn't, please read it again. Here everyone's saying how it's not funny to joke about fucking someone "to death" and here this dude goes and says this. WHAT?!? Seriously dude, that statement right there is EXACTLY the kind of statement that is unacceptable, albeit a statement veiled in ableism he presumes to be his understanding of women's issues. Not to mention his indication that men who say women's sole purpose is to be fucked aren't "real" is just idiotic. It's the same idiocy that people use when using "real woman" as a euphemism for "fat woman". Thin women are real women too. And unfortunately, idiotic men who spew this sort of hateful shit are real too. They are real, their words are real and their ACTIONS are real. RAPE IS REAL.

So I'm just going to say this in the hopes that at least one misinformed dude hears it.

YOUR DICK IS NOT THE SOCIAL GALLOWS! No one deserves to have their body violated. NO ONE. I don't care if they've violated a number of bodies I don't care if they drink blood and make baby-flavored doughnuts, I don't care if someone dismembers every man they come across they do not deserve to be "fucked to death" and nor are they "just asking for it". Your dick is not entitled to be the enforcement of whatever fucked social construct YOU want to maintain. If you have a problem with women or men do what you will to legally work against them, protest them, what have you, but this ideology that people DESERVE violence, particularly sexual violence only PROMOTES MORE violence. So before people call rape victims liars, or say they were asking for it or what have you, I really wish people would "think about the ramifications of your [their] actions before you [they] make such an emotional based argument".